Memory was a
sneaky thing. It crept on silent cat’s feet, waiting for the oddest of
stimulants, and then pouncing, claws and little cat fangs pricking. For Mercy,
memories of his father sprang so often, and in response to such certain
stimuli, that they couldn’t truly be counted as unexpected anymore. Because
Remy, and Gram, had been the poles of his childhood, the only two fixed figures
with which he’d spent any significant time, memories of them were conjured by
even the most mundane experiences. When he heard a wheezy cough, or the croak
of a porch floorboard, the hum of a sewing machine, or the sizzle of onions in
a pan of fat, he thought of his grandmother. The scent of chewing tobacco and
the roughness of a hand-knitted blanket sent her ghost ambling through the
corridors of his mind, a benevolent, stooped spirit that no longer – most of
the time – carried the weight of her violent death.
Remy, too,
had become a friendly ghost, in the years since he’d put New Orleans behind him
for good, one scried into existence by the high whine of cicadas in the
afternoon, or the leap of a fish, the lapping of water against the hull of a
boat. He would always associate the scents of fresh, male sweat and underwater
algae with his father. Sometimes, he caught notes of Remy in his own booming
laugh; noticed him in the slim, brown quickness of his own little Remy’s
fingers. It had stopped piercing him through when he saw Colin smile, and the
white, coy slice of it belonged to their father. He could think things like
that now: their father. He could accept Colin as his brother now, and
even give voice to the truth of it.
Nothing about
this room, which smelled of coffee and baked goods, and was warm not with the
summer sun’s heat, but an overactive furnace, should have dredged up the past.
The air was dry, rather than saturated with the green-black water of the bayou.
No flies, no waving stalks of cattails, no groan of bullfrog or gator. Nothing
here reminded him of home.
But a
stranger turned around to face him, and suddenly he was a boy, struggling to
drag the big tackle box across the grass toward the bateau, Daddy whistling the
Allman Brothers and swinging a packet of plastic marker flags that fluttered
with each swing of his big arm. Remy glanced back at him over his shoulder, and
his smile was easy and eager, white against the deep tan of his face, the
premature sunlines around his eyes deep as the grain of old wood. Come along
now, Felix. Those lines won’t bait themselves. Over his other arm, a sack
dangled, full of cold chicken carcasses that would be warm and stinking by the
time they set the last line.
Daddy wasn’t
smiling now, though. He wasn’t here – only a stranger wearing his stolen
face, shifting his weight from foot-to-foot in a way Daddy never had. Daddy was
still, was patient, was a man who moved with purpose. He wasn’t nervous, like
this doppelganger. This skin-suit thief.
THANK YOU FOR THIS <3
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