Fearless Read-Along: Chapter Twenty-Three

“Mercy,” Aidan said, as if in a trance. “But he wouldn’t…”
               Maggie met her husband’s unforgiving glare. “Mercy’s,” she said quietly. “The baby was his.”

               Ghost blinked, once, twice…and Maggie lunged at him, throwing herself in front of him, catching him by the biceps as he started to charge into Ava’s room.

               “Ghost!” she pleaded in a whisper. “No, not now. Baby, just let him have a minute. Please.”

               He couldn’t even speak. His jaw was locked tight, his eyes blazing.

               “He can’t get her pregnant again right now,” Maggie reasoned. “A minute, Ghost. Just for tonight.” She leaned in closer, digging her fingers into his arms. “He loves her, and even if you’re furious, you know that.”

               He shook her off roughly and strode down the hall, his spine an iron bar between his shoulder blades.

               Maggie slumped sideways into the wall, and found Aidan’s befuddled gaze.

               He was too shocked to be angry yet. “I…I had no idea.”

               “No one did.” Because people saw what they wanted to, expected to, and so rarely what was.

 

I posted a few discussion questions in the FB reading group last night, and you can come join us there to answer them pre-post for next week. I'll also be posting them in my Insta stories on Sunday afternoons/evenings.

This week, the questions were:

1. After the penny drops about the identity of the baby's father, Maggie blocks Ghost from going into Ava's room, and he actually walks away. Are you surprised he didn't try to confront Mercy right then?
2. Ava can tell that Mercy's in the room while she's drugged up, but when she wakes fully, it's Maggie standing over her. How do you think it would have played out if Mercy had stayed until she woke?
3. Do you feel or think any differently about the chapter on a reread than you did on your initial read?

I'm using y'all's responses over on FB to guide today's book club post. 

From Tammy:

1. I think Maggie’s comment - you know he loves her - is what stopped him. He knows, but it makes him no less angry (and stupidly blind and deep in denial).

2. This description of how she knows he’s there - the weight & shape, the calluses & cracks, the pattern of his breathing - God, they’re so in sync with each other. I almost think this scene would have been too painful to write or read. We all needed to take a breath.

3. Re-reading this has just reminded me how “tore up” I was when I first read it. I wanted to kill Mason myself - and I still didn’t know about his accomplice yet!

From Darlene: 

In response to question 1, I think Ghost walked away because he knew he would lose control and Ghost is all about control. He already lost control when he had to get Ava to call Mercy off in HH, I don’t think he was willing to risk it again. Thank god for Maggie and her understanding of everyone involved.

I think it would have been heart wrenching if Mercy had been there when she woke up. The guilt, the pain, the loss. Maggie was a better choice as she could mourn with Ava, comfort her and not judge her. Not that Mercy would have judged but sometimes having your Mom there is easier.

From me:

Ghost is most definitely "stupidly blind and deep in denial," in this chapter, and in lots of others. Haha. When he asks Maggie whose baby it was, deep down, he already knows. But he's not a subtle guy, and he wants not only the verbal confirmation, but, to a lesser extent, the confirmation that Maggie knows, and has been keeping it from him. In the whole of their marriage, he's never felt like Maggie betrayed him - and despite his anger, he doesn't feel that way now. Even though Ava and Mercy, and Maggie and Ghost's relationships look different in superficial ways, and their interactions are at times in total contrast, Maggie's got a firm grip on Ghost's leash, just like Ava does on Mercy's. "You know he loves her" is a true and profound observation here, because no matter hard-nosed Ghost is about the club, no matter how strictly he adheres to protecting it over those around it, his love for Maggie is the ultimate trump card. Ava's young and still learning how that works, but Maggie knows exactly when to flex her love, as a shield or a weapon as needed. 

And Darlene is correct, too: he's badly rattled by having lost control of Mercy in that moment. He figures it can slide in one instance, in the heat of the moment, but if it happens again, then it'll keep happening, and he can kiss the president's chair goodbye. 

There's another part of him that feels helpless on a purely paternal level. He failed to notice (in a meaningful way) what was happening with his daughter, and now she's hurt, and he knows she's going to be heartbroken, and he knows he's going to break her heart again when he sends Mercy away. At this point, I don't think he's made that decision yet: it takes all night sitting up with spiked coffee and cigs, stewing over the situation, before he concludes he'll send Mercy away. One of those sleepless, five a.m. decisions from which no good can come. 

A lot of debating with oneself happens in writing, because one small course shift can have a butterfly effect on the whole book, but I never considered having Mercy there when Ava woke up. In the moment, he lacks all the emotional tools to handle the back-to-back revelations that she was pregnant, and that she miscarried. Devastating revelations for anyone, but given his past, Mercy's head is more or less full of bees at this point. He's nowhere near ready to share the truth of his dad, his gram, and his mom with Ava yet, and being there when she woke up would force it to a head, whether he wanted to sort through his feelings or not. 

And also, yeah, she needs her mom in this moment. Ava and Mercy are both too raw and reeling to offer any support to one another. Ava, at least, has Maggie, understanding, and patient, and ready with all the right words. Mercy doesn't have anyone. 

Thanks, y'all, for your great answers! Look for more next Sunday.