Fearless Read-Along: Chapter Fifteen

 

   

           Carter took a step back, his expression fretful, but he didn’t retreat. “It’s you, isn’t it?”

               Mercy sighed. “What are you talking about?” But inwardly, he felt the first stirrings of panic. People knew. People were noticing. He was too obvious and he didn’t know how to stop it.

               “Ava’s crazy about someone,” Carter said, voice growing wistful. “She’s too distracted and she daydreams in class. She’s into someone, big time. And it’s you.”

Boy, Mercy is at the very peak of his Asshole Era at this stage in the book, isn't he? He has an excuse, but it's still troubling to witness. 

In Chapter Fifteen, the simmering tension between Ava and Mercy finally reaches a boiling point, and they sleep together for the first time. It's a decidedly unromantic event. In hindsight, I find it sad that their coming together wasn't as sweet as I know they can be together, but I stand by the way I wrote it originally. Their first run, when she was seventeen, was doomed from the start, and their first time reflects that.

At this point in the book, readers know that Mercy is wildly conflicted, but Ava doesn't. From her perspective, Mercy's toying with her for his own amusement, pulling her in and then pushing her away again when it suits him. She feels so very young here: mature in some ways beyond her years, but very much a "girl" when it comes to romance. 

I'm obviously a big fan of multi-POV storytelling, and in the case of a story such as this, I find it necessary. If we only ever saw this play out from Ava's POV, I'm not sure Mercy's inner struggle would be clear. I very intentionally highlight the way Mercy still feels the same almost-paternal affection he's felt for Ava all along, but now with an added layer of romantic and physical attraction. He's as flawed as any human, and he's not able to tuck those old feelings neatly away just because he sees her as a woman now. His tangle of sentiment is knotted past the point of organization, and it's making him angry and resentful: at Ava, yes, and also at Ghost. 

   

           “She likes you.” Ghost made a sound in his throat that could have been contemptuous. “She likes you better than she likes me.”

               “No she doesn’t,” Mercy said, because it was what he had to say. He couldn’t say that “like” wasn’t a part of the equation anymore.

               “She trusts you,” Ghost continued. “She talks to you – tells you shit a daughter wouldn’t tell her old man.”

               If only he knew how terrible that truth was.

               “Do me a favor,” Ghost said, and Mercy was ready for the request; there’d been an air of favor-asking about this little moment staring off toward the street. If Ghost was going to grow contemplative and start unraveling the inner workings of his soul, he wasn’t ever going to do it with Mercy. No, it was only ever about the club, about work, with Mercy.

               “Go by the house a little later,” Ghost went on. “Mags sent Ava home with her books. I’m worried about her. This thing with the Stephens has got my hackles up. I don’t trust that something else won’t happen.

               “And while you’re there, see if you can get her to talk about last night. I just don’t understand how she got herself in that spot.”

               Mercy affected a bored expression and said, “Sure thing, boss. Will do.”

Ava's anguished, too, to a lesser extent. There's something tragic about them loving one another at this stage, and so I wanted their first time to be real, and raw, and as painful, emotionally and physically, as it would be in a true to life situation.