He wanted to walk up behind her; rest his hands on her waist, and slide them lower. Lean in until he felt the silk of her hair on his face, and could smell the Chanel she’d dabbed on her neck that morning. Press in close, until she could feel him all down the length of her back; until she shuddered, and let out a little unbidden sound, and leaned back into him, encouraging. It was easy to imagine all that would follow, the ways it was already familiar, but would be new, still, because everything with them was still new.
But he wanted to approach her from the side, too. Tuck back the strand of hair that was already trying to slip past her ear again. Stroke her cheek, and offer her a soft expression, when she turned her head to look at him. He didn’t know how to do soft, really, but he thought he could look like a welcome place, if he tried. Like someone it was safe for her to be around, to show her uncertainty and fatigue to.
He'd never been “safe” for any woman before. For anyone, really.
The thought that he could be – that he wanted to be – held him rooted in the threshold, indecisive. In the end, he decided to simply walk forward, and let proximity determine his course of action when he was close enough to touch her.
Nothing More is four weeks old today! I say that like I’m remarking on the growth of a baby, and really, a book is a kind of baby. Brought into the world with mental pain, rather than physical, granted - unless you count eye strain and keyboard spine. But she’s four weeks! And time is flying! *wipes nervous sweat from my brow*
In the past four weeks, I’ve set a blistering pace working on the next Drake book, and story mapping for the next Dartmoor adventure. As always, each book in the series provides opportunity and inspiration for the next story, and the next. It’s the beauty and curse of creating a “world” with writing, and I hope to blog about that tomorrow for Workshop Wednesday. But for now, I’m reflecting back on Raven and Toly.
Usually, once I’ve finished a book, published it, put it to bed, so to speak, and left it for a few weeks, it looks different when I examine it again after a break. This is the case with NM. In the lead-up to release, most of my posts were about Raven. Her journey was what jumped out at me the most. But now, I’m struck by how terribly lonely Toly was before her. Lonely, and so emotionally underdeveloped that he didn’t even recognize that he was lonely. Ouch. Poor man. And it’s not the first time I’ve explored the inner workings of a Dog who feel like an outsider among his brothers. I love playing with that theme: yes, they’re all part of a counterculture, and share some key values, but they’re individuals first and foremost, and therein lies wonderful tension. It makes sense Toly would wind up with a woman who’s part of a big family - no matter how odd or dysfunctional. An unacknowledged craving for the security and love-you-no-matter-what aspects of family life he’s never had.
You can grab Nothing More on Amazon if you haven’t already, and also check out my full debrief post from a couple weeks ago.
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