A Look Back - Secondhand Smoke

 Sometimes, she reflected, it wasn't as simple as getting the boy. Sometimes it was as difficult, painful, and wonderful as getting the man. 

This is going to sound strange, but one of my favorite things about this book, and Aidan in general, is that he is still so immature. Sudden shifts can definitely happen, and people can experience grand-scale change in crucial moments, but for the most part, personal growth is an ongoing process. Aidan is, at his core, an unserious person, but he's grown up inside this very serious - and dangerous - world. He doesn't fit into it as well as men who came to it as adults, as total outsiders, and that's always going to grate and sting for him. He's learned a lot about himself, and life in general, but he's always going to be a kid at heart, and I think that's what makes him endearing. 

#SecondhandSmoke Read-Along: Tango

Today marks the start of Loverboy week in the Dartmoor Read-Along - you can grab if HERE for 99c - and though most of you have already read it once before, and know what it entails, I think it's only fair to remind everyone that, given the book's dark themes, the discussion from here on out is going to cover some difficult subject matter. I want to start with one last look back at Secondhand Smoke, because the events of that book are what set Tango down the dark path he travels during his own book.

Here goes. 

What happens to Tango in Smoke is no one's fault except Don Ellison's. He's the villain here; he's the one who kidnaps him, imprisons him, and lets his thugs torture him. Aidan feels terribly guilty - because his own drama prevented him from being as tuned-in to Tango's spiraling depressive state before the kidnapping happens - but Aidan's certainly not to blame for what happens. 

The thing about Tango is: that depressive spiral has been slowly happening throughout the course of the series. There's a sadness to him in Fearless, even though the source isn't revealed. Price of Angels is where things really start to go downhill; he's lived for years with a band-aid slapped over his trauma, but seeing Ian again, so unexpectedly, and seeing Ian as this villain who's causing trouble for the club, shatters the fragile peace he's constructed for himself. Tango is not just a club nickname, but a new identity; a shield to hide behind. Most of his club brothers know him as Tango, but here's Ian, who knows every intimate detail of his life as Kev. Who endured all the same trauma and hardship alongside him - and who he left behind. That moment in the funeral home in PoA is the start of everything going sideways for Tango. He begins a slow retreat into a dark headspace, and, through SS, his coping drug of choice is sex. It's all tangled for him; his sense of self-worth, indeed his whole sense of self, is tied up in sex, and so when he feels vulnerable and uncertain, thats' his got-to. That's a part of his identity he's certain of, and so it's become a crutch. 

At the beginning of Smoke, though, we see that it's a joyless vice for him, at this point. He's getting an immediate thrill and gratification, sure, but he's feeling hollow and aimless and pretty bleak. Jasmine has been a source of comfort for him for a long time now; she likes to have a good time, and doesn't feel ashamed of it. In their time together, that attitude has helped him to let go of some of his own shame surrounding sex. But things have shifted, now, and he feels disconnected from her - evident in the way he takes a big step back and lets Carter take his place. He's drowning, and there's only one person who can remind him of who he really is; the person who loved him at his absolute worst. He goes to Ian. 

At this point, Ghost is the only one who knows Tango is spending time with Ian outside of necessary club business. And Ghost is worried; at the beginning of the book, Ian's just asked to be "given" Kev, a favor Ghost refused outright, and with good reason. He doesn't know all the details of their relationship, but he knows Ian has a vicious streak, and a careless streak, and he can see the danger signs flashing for Tango. One could argue that Ghost should have taken a more active role, here; told Tango to keep away from Ian, inserted himself more firmly into the situation. After all, look what he did to break up Mercy and Ava.

But this is a very different situation. For starters, Tango isn't his biological child - not that he loves him any less for it, but he doesn't feel like he has the "right," so to speak, to be dictatorial. The other aspect is, Tango's personal history of abuse and addiction give Ghost pause; he doesn't ever want to say or do anything to put Tango back into his darkest of places. He can see that something is badly wrong, but, given Ghost has the emotional intelligence of an old tree stump, he doesn't really know how to go about helping without causing further harm. And I think there's a part of him, deep down, that thinks Ian might - just might - have a point. Ghost knows that, despite all the love, support, and relative stability of the club, Tango isn't happy, that he doesn't feel safe - evidenced by the way Tango acts nearly frightened of Ghost when he hands over the map. They've tried it this way; what if Ian's life of luxury and insulation, of imported cars and bodyguards, is a better approach? Ghost doesn't know. 

And then Tango is abducted. 

Here's another moment for the audience to hate Ghost! Rest assured I hate him here, too. I remember being actively angry when I wrote the scene where he turns down Ian's offer. But, once again, I see it as my job to adhere to the characters as they are; to write them consistently. The thing about Ghost is that, except when it comes to Maggie and their kids, he doesn't ever operate while wearing just one hat - though we see a shift in that with Loverboy. I think Loverboy is the book where Ghost finally takes a long, hard look at himself. Up to that point, he's always looking at every situation from a variety of angles. It would have been a really feel-good moment for him to jump on Ian's offer and set everything else aside in the effort to rescue Tango. But that's not how Ghost operates. He still doesn't trust Ian, and he's certainly not going to essentially sell his club to the man without thinking things through. Ian would have them at an incredible disadvantage, and he isn't ready to concede to that.

His hesitation, though, provides a chance for Aidan to act on purely emotional impulse - and for the better, this time. I've seen readers say Aidan was "dumb" for staging a rescue attempt without Mercy leading the charge, but Mercy, loveable and lethal as he is, is a wrecking ball of a human being. Instead, Aidan turns to the precise, knifelike skills of Fox. And, in a lot of ways, Fox is the smart choice, because he doesn't get emotionally involved in things. If Fox agrees to the scheme, and comes up with it, even, then Aidan feels like at least someone is thinking this through, as opposed to merely reacting. 

This situation with Tango is really the most complex of the whole series. There's lots to unpack. And the thing is, I think there could have been a version of the story in which Tango stayed with Ian, and you can't know how tempted I sometimes am to write an AU of my own story - but it would have gotten much darker before it got lighter, because they're both so damaged, and it would have taken a long time for them to learn how to lift one another up, rather than drag one another down. 

We'll talk about it, and so many other things, this week as we crack open Loverboy and tackle Tango's demons. Terrible things happened in that basement in Secondhand Smoke, but Tango also met Whitney there, and she's a vital part of his recovery. 

#SecondhandSmoke Read-Along: Part Two

The title of this book is a nod to the ways a person's actions have potentially damaging repercussions for the people close to them. Aidan's decisions don't just impact him, but those around him. 

Sam

The very first time Sam ever laid eyes on Aidan Teague, she was fourteen, and he knocked the breath right out of her. 

That impression of him had stayed with her, had held him captive in her fascination longer than any man she'd met as an adult - girlhood had a way of sharpening fascination to something dark and deadly. 

For Sam, Aidan represents the kind of deep, innocent longing that comes with being a hormonal teenager. He was beautiful, and in a lot of ways, more grown up than the other boys her age. There was that edge of danger that's always magnetic at that age. But she knew he was a cocky brat, too, and she still knows that. 

Now, as adults, since becoming friends with Ava, she's started to see beneath the very distracting outer veneer to the real person beneath all the tats and swagger, and she's realized that, inwardly, Aidan is terribly self-conscious, uncertain, and, most of all, sweet. At this point, Sam isn't just infatuated, and isn't blind to his faults because she thinks he's hot - Sam knows him, by the time we get to this book. Understands how his brain works. She loves him, and she sees his flaws as areas in which he needs help, rather than as reasons to leave him. She's no stranger to hard work. I don't see it as her "fixing" him, or her being "stuck" with him; she loves him, and it's worth it to her to offer her love and acceptance in return. People like Aidan do need a helping hand, and where so many would have turned away from him, because he was inconvenient, Sam's willing to make the effort. She's the first woman outside Maggie or Ava who's really loved him, and he knows that, which is why he's so distressed that he hurts her.

His problem with Sam is a common one: because he didn't tell her about Tonya's pregnancy immediately, it gets harder and harder to know when to fess up. He doesn't want to scare her off - though the longer he waits, the more hurtful the omission becomes. He expects her to walk away - in his mind, it's a matter of when, not if - and that's testament to the way most of his relationships have played out. Sam knows that; once she gets over her initial shock and anger and hurt, that's what brings her back, and keeps her in Aidan's corner. 

Greg

The Greg Situation is a good example of Aidan's innate kindness. Aidan can be rude, and inconsiderate, and definitely not politically correct in lots of small ways - generally with his careless language and his preconceptions ("chick soap"). But when it comes to actions, and big decisions, he's good at heart. He's an outlaw, so he's not worried about coming across as polite amongst polite society. But he does have a strong moral compass when it comes to what he deems important. He's not a killer. In Fearless, when Ghost sent him to the cattle property to kill Greg, he couldn't pull the trigger. He disobeyed Ghost not only as his father, but as his club president, and put the Dogs at risk - but for him, it was a worthy sacrifice. This wasn't a mistake, but a conscious act of mercy. He thought Greg would run far away, never be seen again, and that the problem was over. 

Often, in counter culture stories, we see characters disobeying their clubs or gangs in nefarious ways that impact the whole group later on. I wanted to turn that theme on its head: what happens when a biker does the right thing? How does that hurt the club? For  me, it's maybe the most fascinating element of the book.

The answer here is that Greg shows up again, his presence and his actions set to harm the club deeply. He doesn't see himself as "owing" Aidan for that act of mercy. Rather, it gave him a chance to seek his fortunes elsewhere. 

For Aidan, it forces him to examine his own life in uncomfortable ways. What's more important? Looking after the club by any means? Or standing by a personal moral code? The answer is muddled, and complicated, and Aidan's realization is that life is perhaps even messier than he's always thought. If you call the club your family, you can't stand on the fringes; at some point, you'll have to get your hands dirty. 

Tango

Tango I'm going to blog about tomorrow, because there's lots to look at there, and I want to take my time with it. Our poor Tiny Dancer has it rough in this book. But his rescue provides some of my favorite moments in the whole novel. 

#SecondhandSmoke Read-Along: Part One

The first half of Aidan's arc in book four of the Dartmoor Series is a bit like a car crash: terrible things are happening, you know people are going to get hurt, but you can't look away, as fascinated as you are horrified. Aidan's the sort of guy who's skated along in life, with little regard for the consequences, never over-taxing his moral compass, and in Secondhand Smoke, those consequences hit him in a major way. I've always looked at it like this: he's not someone who was going to have an epiphany one day and decide to get his act together; his transformation was always going to be a reaction to an outside stimulus. In this case, stimuli: three major catastrophes unfold for him here, all of them demanding that he take hold of his life and become - at least in the ways that an outlaw biker can be - a better man.

Readers typically hate Tonya, and I can't say I blame them. She's a spoiled rich girl brought up in a very different world from Aidan; she has everything she could ever want, and treats Aidan like garbage. For her, sleeping with him was a walk on the wild side, a careless fling just to see what it was like. She thought he was hot, but there's a part of her who loathes herself for "slumming it." Mix physical attraction, revulsion, and shame, and you've got one wicked affair. The thing about Tonya, though, is we never get inside her head. We never walk through the story with her - and that's very much on purpose. We're privy only to how she behaves toward Aidan and his family, so our view of her is heavily skewed. I've had readers argue that it seems "out of character" for her to have carried the baby to term rather than terminate the pregnancy, but the simple fact of the matter is, readers have seen only one side of Tonya. They don't know her. Aidan doesn't even know her. While a woman's right to choose is an important topic, this book isn't about that. In SS, she does make a choice. The question here isn't "well, if it were me, I would have..." because this book, as with every other that a write, is not examining instances of "what would most people do." it's what would these particular people do. Tonya has her reasons, but because she's so guarded and vicious with Aidan, and because we never slide into her POV, the audience doesn't get to hear them. The audience doesn't need to hear them, frankly. 

The important thing here is: Aidan's about to be a father. That was always the plan for him, giving him a baby; giving him a baby birthed by a mother who thought she was too good for him, and who didn't want to be involved in any of it. There could have been a story there, of Tonya softening, growing, of loving Aidan. I think there's a part of her deeply saddened by the whole thing; a part of her who knows that, had she let her guard down, could have loved Aidan, and that terrifies her. That's the thing about writing characters as if they were real people: there are always different paths you could have taken. There were the makings of an Aidan/Tonya endgame, however slow and painful it turned out. Just like there could have been an emotional, angsty endgame for Ian and Tango - albeit one very different from what we end up with in Loverboy. 

There's a theme I go back to again and again with this series: that of history repeating itself. Because history does repeat itself: on a large scale, and on a small scale, among families. In Fearless, Maggie reminds a furious Ghost again and again that Mercy and Ava's relationship isn't so different from their own. In fact, Maggie was a year younger when they first got together. Ghost's anger is commonplace in the real world. The hypocritical anger of "do as I say, not as I do." He wants his kids to be smarter and more successful than he was. But Ava fell in love young with a dark man, just like her mama.

And Aidan set his sights on the wrong woman the first time around, just like his daddy. Aidan's in the same boat Ghost was in, back then. A single father, his child's mother going off to live her own life with a different man; she's going to have children that she mothers and cares for, but doesn't want his child - just like Olivia. 

It's that repeating history that has Maggie and Ava so furious and dogged in their insistence that Aidan keeps the baby rather than put it up for adoption. It's a purely emotional mama bear response from both of them. Maggie remembers little eight-year-old Aidan asking her for help with his homework. And Ava remembers the baby she lost to violence, without her having any say in the matter. Every character involved brings his or her own experiences and prejudices to bear on the situation. 

Not to use a child as a plot device, but...The baby is the root of the conflict. She's the impetus for change. Fatherhood is going to make Aidan grow up fast. The baby will force him to grow, and it will create friction for him and Samantha, who's everything Tonya couldn't be for him. 

The two other big fiascos in the book are very different. If getting Tonya pregnant was an act of thoughtless irresponsibility, then the reappearance of Greg, by contrast, is the result of an act of mercy. And juggling these two things, Aidan's caught in his own drama, and not aware that his best friend is slow sliding into darkness. I'll talk about those two issues in the next post. 

Secondhand Smoke - NOW LIVE!

It's live!!!! The fourth full-length installment of the Dartmoor Series went live last night, a few days ahead of schedule. Paperbacks are in the works, but right now it's available for Kindle and Nook. The cover isn't showing yet on Amazon, thanks to website glitches on their part, but it will show up on your device when you download it.

 

Kindle

 

Nook

 

While I was writing this one, I talked (complained?) about the fact that Aidan was my very least favorite kind of male lead. But this book ended up containing some of my favorite lines and scenes of the series. And it was good to challenge myself as a writer, to take that typical bad boy trope and break it down to something more basic and raw.

 

What you ought to know: This installment is just as Dartmoor-y as the others. It does contain a central love story, yes, but the driving plot of the book is Aidan's growth. His real challenges involve his club, his friends, his father, and the effects of his choices. We hear quite a lot from the other characters, and check in with all of the starring couples. 532 Kindle pages of biker family drama.

 

Thank you, readers, as always, for making me so excited to hit that "Publish" button. Love you all, and Happy Reading!!! :-)

#SecondhandSmoke - Between The Covers

Proofs came yesterday! Always a happy mail day. The box was bigger than I thought it would be, then I realized it was because the book was bigger than I thought. It's a nice size, I think. A good meaty handful of book. Though, as usual, I grabbed it up with freshly-applied lotion on my hands, and smudged the cover up. That's the thing with these matte covers - if your hands are greasy, they'll leave marks.

 

Anyway, I thought you guys might like a little peek inside.

 

I'm always inspired by a classic story, and in this case, it's Henry IV, specifically the character of Prince Hal, who went on to become the competent and compelling King Henry V. So our opening quote is one of my favorite lines from the play.

 

Sadly for Aidan, his road to redemption is a little less English and glamorous.

 

So many things about this book surprised me as I was writing. It contains scenes I never anticipated writing, juxtaposed with scenes that feel arguably more tender and reserved than any in the series thus far. Sam kicks us off with a few words of her own, plucked from her unpublished manuscript, the thesis that she has to write for grad school. Sam's braver than I am; I'll applaud her for that.

 

Some of the dialogue in this book is my favorite to date.

 

Here's the official blurb text:

 

Real life. It isn’t sexy. Isn’t pretty. There are no alpha bad boys. No easy outs. No Hollywood soundtrack. Real life hurts like hell and tastes like the grit between your teeth. And love…love always bears a hefty price. This isn’t a biker romance. This is love and war in the world of the Lean Dogs.

Aidan Teague was born into the Lean Dogs Motorcycle Club, a third generation outlaw with big biker boots to fill. A perpetual screw-up and playboy, he’s never taken life seriously. Until now.

If his accident a year ago was a wakeup call, then a jolting revelation from his latest lover is a life-altering shock. It won’t be simple, but it’s high time Aidan came into his own. With the club on the brink of a new war, beset by enemies old and new, Aidan must find the strength to lead, or risk everyone he loves.

Secondhand Smoke is the fourth full-length installment in the Dartmoor Series, and is NOT a standalone. This is a work of literary fiction, so readers should expect lyrical prose and an emphasis on character development and realism. Look for the first four volumes: Fearless, Price of Angels, Half My Blood (A Dartmoor Novella), and The Skeleton King. Visit Lauren at hoofprintpress.blogspot.com, facebook.com/Lauren Gilley – Author, @lauren_gilley, or email her at authorlaurengilley@gmail.com.

 

Can't wait 'til the 19th! Follow me on Instagram (@hppress) for more lines and editing pics as I go.

 

 

Music Monday - Secondhand Smoke playlist

A soundtrack, if you will. Secondhand Smoke, the fourth full-length installment of the Dartmoor Series releases Jan 19th. Mark your calendars.

"Irresistible" - Fall Out Boy

"Renegades" - X Ambassadors

"Keep Me" - The Black Keys

"Into the Fire" - Thirteen Senses

"Sweater Weather" - The Neighborhood

"Bad Company" - Bad Company

"Outlaw Man" - The Eagles (this is on every Dartmoor playlist)

"You're Crashing, But You're No Wave" - Fall Out Boy

Secondhand Smoke - Official Cover Reveal

There she is!

A Deeper Look - #SecondhandSmoke

Remember the little snippet I shared a while back? Here's a more extended look at it. I hope you enjoy, and if I don't blog again prior to, have a very Merry Christmas! :-)

Note: Raw text; apologies for typos.

Secondhand Smoke
Copyright © 2015 by Lauren Gilley
All Rights Reserved

In Hamilton House...

***

He heard footsteps. Light, clipping footfalls across the boards, moving toward them.

            Tango heard them too, and they both braced themselves, reached for their weapons.

            Aidan had a hand inside his cut, hand curling around the butt of his Glock when their interloper stepped between the doorjambs and entered the ballroom.

            Samantha.

The End Again

 

Let's see. This is book number...sixteen? If you count the Russell supplement stories, which I do. So this is sixteen, and still, typing those two words - THE END - never stops being emotional. So I had to stop, afterward, and pop over here to blog.

 

It's over. Thank the Lord it's over! And yet...it's sad. Bittersweet to close the door on them again.

 

I have some confessions to make. If Aidan was a real flesh and blood boy, I wouldn't give him the time of day. That whole tatted-up bad boy uber macho thing? Not my scene. Not in any way. Men like him have no power of persuasion over me. So it was with much trepidation that I approached writing his book. Mercy and Michael I can understand - they were loners, weirdos, sensitive and intelligent, intellectual, well-read. Walsh is older, mature, sharp as a tack. All things I value. But Aidan? Oh boy. That was going to be a challenge. Unfortunately, my readers gravitated toward him from the first, so I knew this book would happen. And it did. And I'm glad for it. I do love him now. But it took a whole book for me to come to understand and appreciate him. Because you know what was hiding beneath that swagger?

 

A sweet boy. Who was abandoned by his mother, who was raised by an unfeeling father and a kind stepmom who was only eight years his senior. By the end of it, I wanted to cry for Aidan, and that's a must for me. I have to want to shed tears for a hero, before he can be my hero.

 

It's incredibly important to me that my characters, regardless of gender, feel real, human, genuine. I reject the label of "alpha male" because I likewise reject the idea that a strong man comes in one variety, with a certain set of traits. Strength is a variegated adjective. In my mind, Ghost is the only true alpha of the series, because he truly is the leader. His strength lies in making the hard calls, the tough decisions that may result in bloodshed. Heartless? Not really. Just uncompromising. While Aidan is strong because he retains a certain softness, and can apologize for his mistakes.

 

Secondhand Smoke also dips a little deeper into Tango's history. And I won't lie - I have serious misgivings about writing his novel. Why? Because I'm not sure a romance audience is ready for a hero like Tango. Who is anything but "alpha," who has been a victim, and an addict, and who struggles. If I write his book, I want to do it total justice, without shrinking from the uncomfortable or the dark. I love him, and I want to do right by him. And I don't know if this is the right time to do so. We'll have to see. Of the bunch, he's my baby. And I won't sacrifice the realism; nor will I offer him up on a silver platter for the haters and the critics who refuse to examine literature that doesn't fit into a particular box.

 

Tired yet? This is my emotional dump. Finishing a book is always a sensitive time for an author. It makes me want to hug my characters, and hold them close.

 

Thank you, readers, for your patience. I wish I could write a book a month, but quality demands more time than that. I hope you'll enjoy Smoke. Look for it next month. I'll keep you updated.

Thanksgiving Treat - Smoke Snippet

A little early Thanksgiving treat, because I'm thankful for my readers. How about a little Tuesday Ghost and Maggie? (With a touch of sexual content, in case you wanted to be warned) :-)

From Secondhand Smoke
Copyright © 2015 by Lauren Gilley
All Rights Reserved

~*~