Some Reflections

Two things, first off.

I saw today that this month has been dubbed "Indie April" for writers on Twitter. Being an indie, this pleases me. 

Also today, I completed a highly emotional, very important scene in Golden Eagle. One that, though only 2k words or so, has taken us 3.25 books, and 1,864 pages to get to. A pivotal scene, one that shifts things for two characters forever going forward. That sounds ominous. It's a good shift! I hope the scene brings a tear to readers' eyes; it did to mine while writing it, and that's usually the goal. 

But before we get to Golden Eagle, there's my 24th major novel release, arriving on the 30th of this Indie April, fittingly. Dragon Slayer. 

True story: In 2015, after the urging of every bookstore owner and writer in the N. Ga area, I joined the local chapter of the RWA. I went to one meeting, then never went again, and let my membership lapse. There were a lot of reasons for that, but during my one and only monthly meeting, something interesting happened. I arrived early, armed with pens, and notebooks, and bookmarks emblazoned with my personal contact info, and a whole lot of nervousness. As the ballroom slowly began to fill up with authors, I introduced myself to those sitting around me, and we all traded business cards - in my case, bookmarks. One author, who I'd estimate as close to my own age, confided that she hadn't written a novel yet, but that she wanted to, and attended all the meetings, learning what she could. I told her that was wonderful, and that this was my first meeting in a while, and that I hoped to learn a lot. Then she took a careful look at my bookmark. 

"These are your books?"

At the time, it was Fearless and Price of Angels. "Yes, I just went to a signing last night, it was so fun!"

"Who's your agent?" she wanted to know.

"I don't have one."

"Who's your publisher?"

"You're looking at her."

And then a look of unadulterated horror crossed her face. "Wait. You don't mean...you aren't self-published, are you?" Her tone was one of blended horror and revulsion. 

"I am, yes," I said.

She replied, "I would never do that. I'd rather never be published at all than be self-published."

It was a theme that day, with the exception of one or two people kind enough to at least not say anything to my face. It's been a theme since 2012. 

I'll be the first to admit, especially on down days, that it would of course be ideal to have a trad pub contract. To have a more stable financial future. To have the opportunity to reach a wider audience. I know that a trad contract doesn't guarantee success at all, but being on physical bookstore shelves is a leg-up that I would love to have, while feeling sure I never will. 

I've learned so much in the last seven years as an indie author. I've seen the dark side of the business, and witnessed some of the unethical, artless things some authors are willing to do for notoriety. I've learned an immeasurable amount about craft; every day I'm one step closer to being the kind of author I'd always hoped to be, in those early, fumbling days. 

The scene I wrote today, the one I mentioned on my IG story, is a romantic scene. A confession scene. And I was struck by a thought, as I finished it, and read back over it, and felt wildly delighted by it. Writing romance has never been my strong suit. I write friendships, and families; I write places, and the feelings of places; I write details, and vistas. But romance is my biggest weak spot. I'm just not built to write self-contained genre romance. 

But with Sons of Rome, the romances, though perhaps not the main focus of the series, are, I think, some of its strongest points. Where before I've always felt a bit like someone smashing two dolls' faces together and saying "now kiss," because we were already past page one hundred and no one had kissed yet, it now feels natural and necessary. It feels like I'm hitting all the right emotional notes with it. I don't know if this is just a natural progression of improving through practice, or if having the chance to stretch out these slow-burn, naturally evolving relationships just feels more comfortable for me. Probably a combination of both. 

So there are days when I think it would be nice to have the safety net of a contract. But there are days, like the day I unboxed my proof for Dragon Slayer, when I'm so glad for the freedom of being an indie. I don't think any publisher would touch this series, and I'm not sure I'd let them. 

I always say that I hope that my readers enjoy my new releases, and I always mean it. I mean it this time, too, with number 24...but that wasn't the driving force behind this book. I didn't write it worrying about what the audience would think. I wrote it because these characters won't rest until their story is told. I wrote it for Val, and Vlad, and Mia, and Fulk, and Anna, and Nik, and Sasha, and Trina, and Lanny...I wrote it for them. And for me. Because after 24 books, I can. 

So bring on the next 24. I'm ready.