Just Some Author Things

Hello, good morning! By the time I finally finish writing this, it will probably be afternoon, but we'll cross that timetable bridge when we get to it! 

This is a post I've been wanting to write for a while - in fact, it's one I think I might need to write - but hadn't worked it into my schedule yet. I had a comment exchange on my FB page this weekend, and it underlined my urge to write this. Please, if the commenter is reading this, please know that I am not at all upset or offended, nor do I want to call you out; our exchange gives me a chance to examine my own thoughts and feelings, and hopefully address many questions/requests/concerns all at once. I tend to get asked similar questions frequently, across all my social media platforms, and I thought a blog post might be a great way to not only get everyone on the same page, but also to shed some light on the book publishing industry in general, and my approach to authorship specifically. I think authors across the board like to peel back the curtain and shed light on their processes and reasoning, but I still think there are some misconceptions about what authors can reasonably do, and what we should be expected to do. 

Some things I hear all the time:

"Will you write a book for X character getting his HEA?"

"I wish you'd made this longer."

"I hate/refuse to read stories in installments."

"Can you put this in audio?"

I am always happy to answer questions, and nothing is quite as joyful for an author as a personalized email in which a reader tells you what he or she loved about your book. Seriously, don't ever hesitate to send an author a positive message. A lot of those start with "I hate to bother you," but trust me, telling someone you love what they did is never a bother! If someone spent a year sweating over a manuscript, they want you to love it, I promise. 

Nine times out of ten, my private communications with readers are positive like this, and I appreciate so much that someone took the time to let me know how something I wrote touched him or her. There are the negative emails and messages, though. That's an unfortunate reality when you're in any kind of entertainment business. Most notable and alarming, for me, were responses to both my standalone Walking Wounded, and the months of initial advertising leading up to last October's release of White Wolf. In the case of Walking Wounded, I had some angry emails about the fact that me writing a m/m couple had "disappointed" some readers. The response to my announcement that White Wolf would be my next major release was broader: a slew of private messages and emails that boiled down to readers saying, explicitly, "I don't want to read this. I don't like this genre. I want more Dartmoor." 

I'm going to go ahead and admit that I'm an omnivore when it comes to reading. I have favorites, but I'll try just about anything. That said, I do understand that some readers have hard limits and prefer not to read certain things. Each individual approaches reading a different way, and no one should be forced to read certain things, or like certain things. Only want to read some of my books? Okay, I get that. Not interested in my new stuff? I respect that. But. Going to an author's inbox to tell them about it isn't accomplishing what you think it is. And here's why:

I think I can safely speak for all authors when I say that if an author takes the time to research, write, edit, promote, and publish a book, then it's because she really, really wanted to. Writing is a time-consuming enterprise. It certainly isn't more important, more time-consuming, or more deserving of respect than any other job. Everyone is busy; everyone is tired. But sometimes I wonder if everyone sees it as a job. Because it definitely is. It's the thing that I do seven days a week to make the money that pays for the things I need. I love to write, and I think I have an affinity for it, but it's definitely a career at this point, and not a fun hobby. And like with all careers, you have to balance them with the rest of your life; you have to put the work in while managing your other obligations and responsibilities. 

Writing is something I've done for fun my whole life, and I know it's something I will always do. Fictional content has always been important to me, and being able to create it in turn is the biggest gift. Something I find endlessly frustrating is the knowledge that I will never be able to write all the things I want to. I try to take it day by day, page by page, story by story, but I also have a tendency to look at the big picture; to roll out the deep mental file drawers where I keep all the characters who want to make it to the page. I know some of them will never get there, and that's painful. 

(In speaking of time, I want to take a moment to talk about something more personal that is possibly TMI. You can skip this paragraph if you want. The last two years, struggles with my health have greatly impacted my writing. I've always had what I refer to as a "weak immune system," and get sick often and easily, and simple bugs that last 48 in others can lay me out for a week and a half. But now I'm more and more convinced that I have an autoimmune disorder of some kind. External stimuli like stress and exhaustion are triggering immune responses now, as are internal stimuli, chief of which are normal monthly hormone fluctuations. Here's the TMI part: my monthly cycle? It's one-and-a-half-to-two-weeks of feeling like I have the flu. In addition to all the normal awfulness of "that special time," my body also loses its mind and decides its fighting some kind of terrible virus. Symptoms include: fever, chills, sweats, muscle and body aches, stiff neck, migraine, blurred vision, sore throat and swollen lymph nodes, weakness, nausea, dry heaves...the list goes on. My mom always remarks with alarm, when she sees the horrible dark circles under my eyes, that, "You look sick." And I am sick. And I know there are people with much worse health problems than me, but I am frustrated to the point of tears that I lose so much time, and just doing my job becomes so difficult for two whole weeks at a time.)

In short: time is precious. It is for everyone. An author has to make choices about how to use her time. I want to use that time to write books that people want to buy (it's my job, yep, and I do have to make a living), but I also want to write books that I feel passionately about for one reason or another...and hopefully provide a story that others can feel passionate about, too. I can promise you that authors want to write books that people will love; no one spends ten months writing a book in the hopes no one will like it. When I announced White Wolf early last year, and the "I don't want this book" emails started rolling in, I won't lie: those felt hurtful and short-sighted. The book wasn't out yet, and no one had read any of it, so no one had any way of knowing if they would like it or not. Not to mention, I'd talked at length about how this series was something I was very passionate about, and something I'd wanted to write for such a long time. When an author says this...I'm sorry, but saying "I don't want it" isn't going to stop the book from happening. It wasn't something I decided to write on a whim; at that point I'd spent a year researching and plotting. And I'll admit, I'm not sure why anyone would want to actively discourage an author from writing something they loved. I just...don't understand that element of it. Let's say you refuse to read it, fine; but others will. It might not be your favorite, but it might be someone's absolute favorite. I want my readers to be happy, but please understand that catering to readers based on very individual and personal desires would result in a freaking hot mess of a book. Readers can express preferences respectfully, and authors can listen to those, but the author has to have the confidence in her own creation and know where she can and can't be flexible. 

This brings me to the "will you write about/I would love a book about" questions/comments. First off: I love these comments! Do you know how amazing it is to think that you wrote a group of fictional characters that people want more of??? AMAZING. Also flattering, and confidence-boosting. And as a fangirl myself, I understand these. When I love a character, I want more, more, more. Marvel, where is my Bucky Barnes recovering content??? So trust me, trust me when I say that I don't take those requests lightly. If my response is short, or sounds flippant - "Not writing that, sorry!" - it's that I'm tired, or sick (every month! what fun!) and just didn't take the time to write you out a long, involved answer. But listen, I hear you. 

Here's the thing: as previously rambled about above, time is always an issue. Time is never on an artist's side. But the other element of it is a personal code of mine: I only want to write stories I know I can tell well. Stories that I can pull off in a really rewarding way that make people glad they had them. Sometimes a story needs a little longer to percolate while I work on fully-fleshed ideas, and sometimes a character needs a little more time in-universe to grow and develop. Dartmoor is a perfect example of this. There was some grumbling about book three when I announced it would be about Walsh, because short people aren't hot, or something. But I knew I had to tell his story next. I could see it. And it would lay the groundwork for both Aidan and Tango's books. For me, there is always a larger plan at work; I don't post polls about who people want to have a book next and then write it because I know that wouldn't be fair. If I'm not invested in that story, if it's just an exercise, then it isn't going to be up to my standards. If I'm going to charge people money for a book, you better believe it's my most perfect version of that story, and not something I slapped together. 

So when someone asks for a book, I can't always say "sure!" Sometimes I have to say "we'll see," because I can't envision it yet. Someone like Carter? I'm still not "seeing" it. That's not me trying to invalidate anyone's love for him or desire for his story; that's me not having anything to put into that book yet. Who's to say I won't be struck by an epiphany in two years? It happens. But boxing myself into a place where I have to mechanically write stories based on requests? That's how y'all get poor quality content, and I don't want to go there, ever. 

As to people wanting longer stories: again, I hear you. I like long books. But. Let's look at Kris and Roman. I know myself, and I really struggled with the idea of trying to formulate an overarching club drama narrative for a book about those two. All the action and violence just wasn't coming together for them. Every idea felt forced to me. So I decided that it would be interesting to instead focus just on them, and their relationship. I don't normally do that - I'm all about the big genre-benders - but in this case, I thought the most important thing was Kris healing, Roman coming into himself, and the two of them rectifying their feelings for each other. Something fun, fluffy, and free, that I can eventually put for sale if anyone wants it in a Kindle or paperback version. Don't want to read it? That's cool. But this is the format that works best for me; again, authors do things for a reason. 

Side-note: I honestly don't understand the issue people have with installment stories. I wrote Snow in Texas and Tastes Like Candy in installments because it was the best option for me, and yet I got lots of complaints about the way I did it. Real talk for a second: what's with the complaining about free stuff? I spent months on them and gave them to you for FREE! The other part of it: some people, me included, like installments. Life is busy; reading things in parts is a great way to snatch some reading joy on a day-to-day basis. I don't ever have the luxury of binging a whole book anymore, so to me it's no different than reading a few chapters each night before bed. The other part? You're free to wait and read it all at once; or even read it in parts and then re-read it all again later. But griping about it will never change my mind about installments, so that's a bit of a waste of your breath there. 

Okay, last question: audio. Oh boy. This has been much more hostile than I ever thought possible. I get tons of questions about having my books put on audio, most of them curious and kind...some of them not. Some people have gotten really angry and bent out of shape when I said I wasn't considering it at the moment, which...why? Yes, some people like to listen to audio books. But creating an audio book is not a free and easy process. I've made a very calculated decision that time-wise and money-wise it's a bad business decision for an indie author like me, and I stand by that decision. It isn't a personal decision designed to anger or exclude people. Every author has to choose the path that works best for her, and, as stated above, my time is not always in my control. Should I spend that time working out all the issues of audio for a book already available? Or should I write new content? I'm going to choose new content every time. I hope to some day have my stuff in audio, but it isn't something I want to do now. 

If you've read through this, wow, thank you! I just want to round out with some personal writing thoughts. 

I think most writers are motivated by two things: love and discontent. For me, this means that I want to aspire to write in the ways that I've always admired, and that I want to do a better job of filling in the strange gaps left by those who've come before me. I read from all genres, and, as a writer, I want to write in a way that doesn't obey strict rules, but instead tells a character's story through whichever lens explains it best. I like to take my time. I don't want to gloss over important emotional moments; I want to crack them open and really let people explore the aftermath of trauma with my characters. I want to create rewarding experiences - for instance, in my Sons of Rome series, I've set up two characters with a strong bond who I hope readers will ship, fully intending to make that ship explicit and realized; I want to write a rewarding shipping experience because that sort of thing is almost always a disappointment in mainstream media. (See Sons of Rome book four, Golden Eagle, due out next year.) I want to use things like rape and physical abuse in a way that shows healing and overcoming of past trauma. I want to write stories that aren't limited by word count or corporate nonsense; stories that go where they need to, free to develop at their own pace thanks to my freedom as an indie author. 

It is always my goal to write meaningful, nuanced stories that tackle sensitive subjects while offering loving, happy endings. That will never change. My work is never intentionally misleading for the sake of "shock value." I like to push boundaries, but only in a way that expands understanding in a positive way. I'm an entertainer, and I take very seriously the responsibility of providing readers with a rewarding escape. 

How many times can I say rewarding? 

But my ultimate point is, and I thank you for reading this far, I love this job. I want to execute it to the best of my ability, always. I hope we can always see eye-to-eye and be respectful toward one another. I want to tell a lot of stories, in a lot of different ways, and I hope you'll join me. 

Much love to everyone, and take care :)