Chapter Five is on the short side: a quick flashback to fourteen years ago, and a transitional beat between Mercy and Ava's encounter and the church vote from Mercy's POV. Me meet Hound, Rottie, and Troy through his eyes, and witness a little of the whole-club dynamic as everyone files into church.
As a reread, though, I'm struck by Mercy's melancholy here. The way he, in this moment, and in the past, hasn't always felt like a person within the MC. This is a stark contrast to the beloved husband, son-in-law, brother-in-law, friend and confidante he becomes over the course of the series. By the time we get to Lord Have Mercy, there's no question that he's beloved; that his family and club will kill and sacrifice for him. But in this moment, he is keenly aware of his value as a killer and little else.
That was the scary part: he wasn't a bit crazy.
Whether he is or isn't insane by clinical standards is irrelevant. Mercy is self-aware, perhaps hyper-self-aware. He knows what he's capable of, and that he doesn't really have an upper limit on brutality, and he also knows that this is a useful quality for the club. He doesn't and hasn't ever resented his club brothers for being squeamish by comparison. While he's confident in some arenas, he's got a low sense of self-worth when it comes to the more personal and emotional aspects of life.
This is why Ava makes such an impact on him. When she's little, he's delighted that she isn't frightened of him, and instead seeks him out. The fact that she finds safety and comfort in his presence fills a very specific, unacknowledged need for him. This eventually blossoms into romantic feelings. Through every stage of their relationship, Ava is the one who makes him feel like a person: loved, needed, valued for his personality and the abundance of love he has to give.
Mercy is Ava’s safe place, and she is his safe place. ❤️
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