What Now?

 

The business of writing and publishing books completely warps one's perspective of time. I don't know for a fact, but I suspect the music business works at much the same pace. A project takes months to complete, hours, even minutes, to consume, and then it's "what now" before a writer has a chance to catch her breath. Famous authors have the gift of notoriety on their side - if they produce one book a year, or even just one every two years, they have such pull in the industry, are so well-recognized by readers, that advances and royalties for that one novel can carry them well into the future. For indies, for me, constant production becomes necessary. I can release a book one day, and feel woefully behind the next. Taking breaks feels like stealing time; like I should be working no matter what. It's only words, after all. It's only butt-in-chair, fingers-on-the-keyboard. 

I'm well aware that this is a deeply personal anxiety speaking, that I am not actually losing ground, though that's what it feels like. The more I write, the more it feels like I've backslid; the less it feels like I've actually accomplished. Silly? Yes, sure. But there all the same. It's an anxiety that makes it difficult to celebrate releases. Why feel triumphant over one book when there's another already underway? 

On days - weeks - when I'm feeling most frustrated, it's important to take a step back, and look at the big picture, and I'm trying to get better at that. Because, despite my personal anxieties, and despite the sales and reception of a book, each published book is a story that didn't exist in the world before I hit "Publish." And even if it's stressful, that's a pretty special thing. To create stories, and to have those stories read. And because I know this is true for me as a reader, you never know which of those stories will grab someone's heart and squeeze hard. If just one person finds something worthwhile and meaningful in a story I've written, then it was a story I needed to share. 

It's been a very challenging week working on Lord Have Mercy. Every scene I've written has been fraught, tense, and as delicate and necessary as a Jenga block in constructing the story as a whole. I've taken lots of walks, and done a lot of staring out the window. I feel behind. 

But that's not true: College Town is one month old today. *balloon drop* I love that little book. I love its characters, and its plot, and I love the things I learned and accomplished with its prose. I'm always looking ahead, but this year, I want to be able to sit in the moment of a new release, and savor it a little. To reflect back on them, and steal a little time to be proud of what I've written, rather than only rushing breakneck toward the next chapter. 

You can grab College Town at Amazon, B&N, or Kobo, and if you enjoyed the book, I would so appreciate a review! 

Amazon

Barnes & Noble

Kobo